I WANT TO BE DONE HIBERNATING!!

It's getting crazy super gorgeous up in Western WA as of late. I'm so thankful for this rad sunshine and heat, but it brings out some sort of lack of fulfillment. I would say that most people are like bears. :) Bears go in to hibernation for a season of time and then, they go back in the world doing crazy bear stuff. I think that people in WA similarly "hibernate" during the Winter time, but when Summer approaches, everyone starts getting stoked about life and desires to be in community... ya know, just chillin' with friends at the beach or in the back yard cooking up some BBQ.

I am someone who has been a part of a community for my entire life and it's been really, sort of easy for me to connect to people. But since I've moved, I feel that I have been taken hostage from a community. Father God has created each of us to long for community, and I'm positive He's created me that way... just ten times more intense then others.

I've recently started Youth Pastoring in a church that is filled with two groups, the toddlers and oldies. Besides the two main age-groups, there are maybe one handful of kids that are of "youth group" age, and Hanna and I complete the Young Adults.

I love the church family I've been a part of lately, but I have never had such a difficult time connecting to people. I believe this is the case because the cultural personalities of my church family, whom have been influenced by this city, have created a "speed bump" in my ability to connect. I've been told dozens of times by dozens of people that I have a gift of relating to all sorts of people and I praise the Lord for the people that have helped me realize that gift. But the Lord has truly placed me in a city that I do not know how to reach the lost or even connect to His people.

I think of the Apostle Paul and the amount of time he spent evangelizing in different cities. I'm sure that some cities just fell in love with Christ instantly, while others took forever to grasp the concept of relationship with Christ. But to go beyond each city understanding and believing in Christ, Paul had to first learn how to be culturally sensitive to those cities with the gospel message. I believe that God has placed me here in North Kitsap to endure trials and hardships so that I can grow in the knowledge and power of the Lord.

The coffee shop is closing now so I'll close with...

Hebrews 12:1, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for each of us."

As I said before and I truly believe with my entire heart, the Holy Spirit is fully active and aware that without His power and the death of Christ, we, "cloud of witnesses," wouldn't be able to be unite in spirit and mind.

We are drawn in to and made for community... to be surrounded by a "great cloud of witnesses!" And although I feel like a bear who's prematurely woken from hibernation, I have to find a way out of the hindersom quicksand and continue to run, and run, and keep running the race that God has placed me in.

I love you all. The Lord is good and wants us to run with perservance the race we each have been placed in, whether that's working in a cubicle 40 hrs a week, or going to school and volunteering as a youth leader at a church.... God loves us so much and He wants to hear our heart's cry because He will never put us in a situation that we can't handle. AND He wants to be our Savior over and over and over and over and over again so that we, His cloud of witnesses, will continually rest in Him and sing out at the top of our lungs...

"Hallelujah!"

GOD & MARRIAGE

So Hanna and I watched Fireproof. Probably some of the worst acting I've seen since the 80's. Of course there were some amazing actors in the 80's, but most of the movies, especially comedic movies, seemed to focus on one liners or the big messsage. The first fifteen-twenty minutes of Fireproof seemed especially horrible for some reason.

I think the movies released in the 80's were given so much grace when watched, while the exact opposite happens these days. Even though I have no idea if there is any validity in that statement, I just assume there was because some people were truly pleased with the movies from the 80's. And that is why I believe there was much more grace for the movies back then.

I think that people had to have a mentality of grace because they would end up being extremely (and wrongly, in my opinion) critical. Now-a-days with the many critics, if a movie is horrible in the first fifteen minutes, they'll turn it off or walk out. That criticalness is similar to the music industry.

From about the ages of seventeen to twenty, I was set on pursuing to be a well-known artist. I released two CD's by the time I was twenty, averaged two shows every weekend for over a year, and attended workshops that only striving, hopeful local artists attended.

At the last workshop that I attended in Seattle, there was a statement that completely caught me off guard. A top recruiting agent from Columbia Records said something along the lines, "Ninety-five percent of songs with an intro of strictly music (w/o vocals) that lasts over twenty seconds, we throw out." I was caught off guard because I don't think that I recorded one song that the lyrics started before thirty seconds! HA.

It's obvious that Record companies are extremely critical. Similar to todays movie watchers, they also "throw out" a movie if the acting/story line/filming/CG/etc. is not up to par in the first twenty minutes.

With a graceful attitude, I think that we can be tolerable of any movie. Hanna and I got through the first twenty minutes and I am so thankful for that because Fireproof is actually a beautiful movie. It hit home for me.

Personal synopsis: A couple that are semi-newlyweds (not really) are in an unhealthy marriage driven by selfish motives/actions, rather than selfless motives/actions. They find themselves on the verge of divorce when the husband's father challenges him to the "Love Dare" for fourty days. After the husband accepts and faithfully carries out the Love Dare, he meets God, finds conviction, and desperately fights for his marriage. Watch the movie for the rest.

The Love Dare is freaking beautiful! It helped the main character find, devote his life to, and passionately love God. God has created with me with a tender, sensitive, and humble heart where I find myself tearing/sometimes sobbing at movies that are done well. As I watched this movie portray God changing the hearts of this couple and witnessing the power of God in their lives, it made me LIGHTLY sob. HA! It was serioulsly beautiful and I think they did a great job of showing the power of the gospel in a culturally relevant way.

In conclusion, what hit for me was the script at the end of the movie. It resonated so much with my own heart and desire for my future marriage. And future marriage is coming in THREE MONTHS!!!

Thanks for reading. I usually don't like reading or writing critiques, but I do love God and marriage and that just happens to be what Fireproof is all about.

I love you all.

(4) Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
(5) Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said, "Never I will leave you, never I will forsake you."
-- Hebrews 13

Hungry & Desperate

I'm desperate.

I've been desperate for a while now... desperate to go deep.

I guess what I really am is hungry.

Well, I'm hungry and desperate. Yes. I am hungry and desperate.

I hunger so much for the Lord every day. I feel like a meth addict in my garage throwing empty paint cans, misplaced tools and empty candy bar wrappers out of my way as I wrestle through my junk in search of the proper things to get my fix. I want to be drunk on the Spirit. I love when I get in that state of fulfillment.

I usually find myself drunk off the Spirit after a worship night. After being completely surrendered and passionately and deeply seeking the Lord, I find myself drunk. It's beautiful.
Unfortunately, I do have a block of my life where I got drunk off alcohol. It was a dumb time of my life, but I am thankful that the Holy Spirit has empowered me to break away from that generational curse.

The drunk state that I'd get in from alcohol was totally WEAK compared to the state of fulfillment ("drunk-ness") that I'd get in after a night of worship. There's honestly no feeling in this world that I have felt like being overwhelmed by and in the Lord our God.

That probably is why I have been desperate. I am desperate for an atmosphere to get drunk off the Lord. Just like man-made narcotics that exist to get us intoxicated or high and cause us to get jittery and whatever happens when we don't get our fix for a while, I am desperate for that. I don't like the term fix though. To me, there is some negative cognitation attached to fix. I like to think of it more like fill. I'm desperate for that fill.

I'm desperate for a group of others who desire to ooze Jesus to the world. I'm desperate for an atmosphere that is filled with fellow Believers who hunger for the trinitarian God-Father, Spirit & Son. I am desperate for that.

I want to constantly be talking about Him... singing to Him... resting in Him... loving in Him.

I love holidays, especially holidays that celebrate Jesus. What I don't like is that the fire burns out in people a few days (it'd be a stretch to say a few weeks) after we celebrate those holidays. Jesus asks for our lives. Jesus asks for our hearts and minds. Not just a few weeks and that few weeks includes every Sunday of the year- assuming that we give our hearts and minds to our Savior every week.

I'm going to stop with that because my goal is to definitely stray from legalism and I have no desire, at the moment, to preach about the complacency among Christians. I am simply just hungry and desperate for the Lord. I do feel a tug on my heart by God the Holy Spirit that something big is going to happen in the Puget Sound (Tacoma to Poulsbo). That is probably why my hunger to go deep is so strong lately.

In this place of my life, I'm going to just learn from what Jesus said, and rest and wait upon the Lord, constantly seeking to be filled and a power to reign upon us.

"And behold, I send the promise of my Father upon you: but tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem, until ye be endued with power from on high" - Luke 24:49 (KJV)


Lord God, you said ask and ye shall receive. My prayer oh Great God is that You would send fire to fall down amongst us. Lord, that you would see the stirring of your people throughout the Puget Sound begging for more. Jesus, send your Holy Spirit to reign down upon this sinful area to empower your people so that we can be lights to our world so that those who oppose will no longer oppose... that those who resist will no longer resist... that those who run will no longer run... that they will turn to and praise you, whom is rightfully seated at the right hand of the Father. I love you Lord Jesus. Amen.